Nobody likes a dirty Wiener


/>Wiener wash

A group of men making soap together…. It’s just a matter of time before things get dirty.

No matter how old men get, they never grow up. It takes about three seconds for even the grownupiest ( yeah I made that word up) of grown men to revert to childish behavior. Seriously, what would the world be without fart jokes? That’s a world I don’t want to live in.
Men are silly and perpetually immature. We here at The Astoria Company Store are no exception to this rule. We have dogs. We needed to clean those dogs because they like to roll in muddy bubble gum and dead birds. Sometimes they stink. Rotten stink.
Those are the facts. This is where it starts to go south, two of our dogs are Dachshunds. You see where I’m going with this? Izzy and Maddie are 11 year old long-haired Dachshunds. Really the best dogs, aside from the rolling in dry heave inducing noxious filth… Our third dog is a mutant cat monkey creature that escaped from the circus… I’m serious, she really ran away from the circus, but that’s another story. Izzy and Maddie are sisters/ cousins. True story y’all. Their moms were sisters and they had the same dad. Don’t judge. It was an accident.
We needed a shampoo for our dogs and we came up with a check list of things to help us get a product that we would be happy to put on the shelf. Here is the list. It had to smell good. Shush that’s very important. It had to be something that my sister would use on her dog, she is crazy about her dog… .. Like she cooks for it and let’s it decide what shows to DVR, that sort of crazy… And We would only make it if we could also use it. Because who really wants to rub something on their wiener that they wouldn’t feel safe putting on their dog… Or the other way around.
We toyed with names, or pretended to consider naming it something else. Nothing felt better than telling someone you wanted to help them clean their wiener. Turns out this stuff makes the perfect gift. When people find out that humans can use it.. They buy more than one bottle. This Christmas countless men woke up to find this in their stocking… And the world is a sweeter smelling place for it.
Since its debut we have had many people discover Wash Your Wiener on the shelves. They snicker and sneak a bottle or two into their shopping basket. They ask questions like ” can I use this on my Husband?” And ” do you have bigger bottles of this?” Let’s all take a moment and imagine the man who would require a bigger bottle… Oh my,, Very nice. With a bottle that big he is going to be in the shower all day. Ok, ok, back to reality, not everyone can be a Great Dane.


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